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I WANNA SEE WHAT DEATH IS LIKE

by Don't do it, Neil

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  • Digital Album
    Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Digital only proceeds support Harper's future projects.
    Tape proceeds got to The Okra Project. "The Okra Project is a collective that seeks to address the global crisis faced by Black Trans people by bringing home cooked, healthy, and culturally specific meals and resources to Black Trans People wherever we can reach them."
    https://www.theokraproject.com/
    Lathe proceeds go back to Gr's label and mutual aid fund.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $8 USD  or more

    You own this

     

  • Limited Edition Full Length 10" Lathe Cut
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Digital download of I WANNA SEE WHAT DEATH IS LIKE included with each lathe cut purchase, as well as:

    *a Don't do it, Neil sticker

    *a Don't do it, Neil pin

    *Handwritten thank you note

    *a couple surprise stickers & pins from Grimalkin Records

    Bonus items with digital download include:

    *jpeg files of promotional pictures

    Lathe proceeds go back to Gr's label and mutual aid fund.

    Digital only proceeds support Harper's future projects.

    Tape proceeds got to The Okra Project. "The Okra Project is a collective that seeks to address the global crisis faced by Black Trans people by bringing home cooked, healthy, and culturally specific meals and resources to Black Trans People wherever we can reach them."
    www.theokraproject.com

    lathe cut records made by:
    groovyduderecords.com

    Includes unlimited streaming of I WANNA SEE WHAT DEATH IS LIKE via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ... more

    Sold Out

  • Limited Edition Cassette
    Cassette + Digital Album

    hand-dubbed with love <3

    Digital download of I WANNA SEE WHAT DEATH IS LIKE included with each cassette purchase, as well as:

    *a Don't do it, Neil sticker

    *a Don't do it, Neil pin

    *Handwritten thank you note

    *a couple surprise stickers & pins from Grimalkin Records

    Bonus items with digital download include:

    *jpeg files of promotional pictures

    Tape proceeds got to The Okra Project. "The Okra Project is a collective that seeks to address the global crisis faced by Black Trans people by bringing home cooked, healthy, and culturally specific meals and resources to Black Trans People wherever we can reach them."
    www.theokraproject.com

    Digital only proceeds support Harper's future projects.

    Lathe proceeds go back to Gr's label and mutual aid fund.

    Includes unlimited streaming of I WANNA SEE WHAT DEATH IS LIKE via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ... more

    Sold Out

1.
Orpheus 01:10 video
hours, stayed up for hours disempowered oh my flower, will you be my knife? baby, be my power enemies, kill my enemies make them bleed oh my orpheus, will you save my life? set me free baby, set me free
2.
i wanna see what death is like is there sex in the afterlife?
3.
interlinked 00:34
4.
302 02:34
when it comes to you, i'll set aside everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything they'll never take us dead or alive you're my everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything but are you as ride or die? ride or die, do or die, you and i if someone looks at you askew, homicide i'm broke inside, but you make me shine your absence got me thinking about suicide, oh my, you got me tripping walked out the door, mental health is slipping bitches on bitches, no comparing i walked to a bridge cuz my heart was tearing in two why do i need you? you were the truth, or at least i thought a girl like me should be paying no thoughts to thots who don't seek the things that i've sought oh no, i've done it again falling in love just trying to be friends no end, i wanna be free cuz if there's a you, there'll never be a me suicide my suicide you're my suicide you're my suicide, suicide, suicide when it comes to you, i've made up my mind i don't want the truth, i'll just live in my lie my fantasy is you and i, you and i, you and i real life is suicide, suicide, suicide my fantasy is you and i, you and i, you and i real life is suicide, suicide, suicide
5.
HIGH 02:48
take me higher, higher we were something to admire, admire but it's all gone now i'm just tired, tired cuz if there's no fire, fire what's the meaning at all? cigarettes on cracked concrete trying to get this trauma off me tried to close the door softly your coming and going's got me exhausted you're gonna be the death of me but you're beautiful, baby and what is life but death and beauty vacillating from ecstasy and brooding? losing, using, confusion falling on my knees, contusions, illusions are foolish you were the coolest, the coolest but now i'm wondering if it was bullshit, just bullshit was it bullshit? you were the empath i’m just impatient to go with the flow causes your trepidation love is the drug from which i'm trying to get clean couldn’t see the truth all i’ve got left is visine i need a muse to inspire me not smother until there’s no fire between us it’s only time that you required of me so sorry for disregarding you entirely too much and now i know you well you’ll fall for anybody else crying in the stairwell and from the highest step we fell baby, take me higher, higher fill me with desire, desire but it's all wrong and now i'm just tired, tired cuz if there's no fire, fire what's the meaning at all?
6.
there's nothing you can try it's just what i decide if it breaks, then so it breaks oh my god, what have i done? what have i done? if it breaks, it breaks, it breaks, it breaks, it breaks and so it goes and so it goes oh my god, what have i done? what have i done? if it breaks, it breaks, it breaks, it breaks, it breaks
7.
Mizumono 01:17
this is an invocation a spiritual invitation won't you come to bed with me? i pray that we'll be tethered and that our shattered teacup comes together when this magic spell brings you back to me if i could mind control you...
8.
Need Yr Love 03:55
change up why you always gotta change up on me? we've got a lot to learn about love we've got so much to learn about love watching, waiting for some kind of sign hoping that i won't lose my mind can't hesitate i've got to get away your love's a closed door can't take this shit anymore everything turns gray when you're away everything turns hazy got me going crazy you got me going crazy i need your love you've got a lot to learn about love we've got so much to learn about love i need your love we've got a lot to learn about love we've got so much to learn about...
9.
BELIEF 03:18
why does simple love make me weep? are hearts always so weak? fuck ride, i'd rather die i don't understand what everyone's saying if my hearts all in, then my heart's not straying edges fraying, no talk, what are you saying? i spend every free moment on my knees praying i don't understand what everyone's saying if my hearts all in, then my heart's not straying edges fraying, no talk, what are you saying? i spend every free moment on my knees praying do you believe in god? do you believe in love? i don't believe in much but i believe in us will water wash it away? all my pride, all my pain oh my god, i'm getting soft i don't understand what everyone's saying if my hearts all in, then my heart's not straying edges fraying, no talk, what are you saying? i spend every free moment on my knees praying i don't understand what everyone's saying if my hearts all in, then my heart's not straying edges fraying, no talk, what are you saying? i spend every free moment praying do you believe in god? do you believe in love? i don't believe in much but i believe in us
10.
sometimes it all hurts too much but then i lay my eyes on you i really like what we've got going on i really like what we've got going on
11.
RIDING HOOD 02:25
don't you want me or am i nothing? way too cloying or too adoring? i just stay up, i wanna fade out i just stay fucked, gotta stay proud i'll fuck it up, god can sort it out i'll fuck it up, let god sort me out blood taints the sand swimming from the ocean make me god baby, let me fall out of love baby, let me fall out of love baby, let me fall out of love baby, let me fall in the water baby, i wanna fall out of love baby, i wanna fall out of love
12.
Raw 03:22
baby, come and fuck me tonight you're getting lucky i shouldn't give it to you you had me livid, but you keep seeping back in my skull left marks in my soul why'd i let you take control you fucked me up, so just fuck me raw just fuck me raw leave your taste on my jaw don't wanna fight, don't wanna talk just wanna let you take control just fuck me up, just fuck me raw just fuck me raw i hate the way you loved me or maybe didn't love me but i loved the way you fucked me yeah, you made me feel godly i know there's no going back you tore the beat from my chest but maybe you could fuck it back and while you ride i can pretend that you really love me that you really love me that you really love me that you really love me i know there's no going back you made that clear when you left so take my love and fuck it back and while you ride i could forget fuck me raw just fuck me raw
13.
Unreal Love 03:16
deep love, deep love, fake love shit real love, real love, i'm on that numb shit fuck it, speak no evil, hear no lies you're speaking devil tongues, get your evil out my life it's that deep cut, deeply fucked, fuck love shit feel love, feel love, i'm on that dumb shit fuck it, i'm calling meteor materia crash into the water while i'm coasting off delirium drive your knife inside me bleed me with that real love drive your knife inside me lead me on, unreal love drive your knife inside me self-destruct, self-destruction standing on a bridge hyped on dysfunction feel the cool breeze staring out across a sleeping city black metal and concrete water shining bright, calling me this isn't love, this isn't love don't feel love, unreal love unreal love deep love, deep love, fake love shit real love, real love, i'm on that numb shit fuck it (unreal love) fuck it (unreal love) it's that deep cut, deeply fucked, fuck love shit feel love, feel love, i'm on that dumb shit fuck it (unreal love) fuck it (unreal love)
14.
LIAR 03:21
there's no sense in killing myself for you tripping over you i'm slipping away from you come to my senses you were never there for me you hardly cared for me you're a liar liar, liar set my heart on fire liar, liar thought you could take me higher liar, liar baby, set my life on fire liar, liar thought you could take me higher liar, liar set my heart on fire liar, liar thought you could take me higher liar, liar baby, set my life on fire liar, liar thought you could take me higher putting love on ice, ice now fell for your tricks once, twice, thrice, nah no more, no more, no more my love's a closed door, i'm bored, ignore no contest, keep my thought process pure got a sickness but you're not the cure not you - antibody rejection your affection's affected, i'm so tired of you vexing me you're my tears, you're my tear you're my fear, you don't care, i'm so scared cannot bear anymore nightmares why'd you fuck me after tearing me in two? why do i need you you're a parasite, i can't feed you suicide cuz i can't grieve you out of my mind, i can't leave you oh god liar, liar liar, liar liar, liar liar, liar liar, liar set my heart on fire liar, liar thought you could take me higher liar, liar baby, set my life on fire liar, liar thought you could take me higher liar, liar liar, liar liar, liar liar, liar

about

November 13, 2020: Don't do it, Neil aka Mabel Harper (she/her) is from Philadelphia, PA and one of the original members of Grimalkin Records. Harper explores mental illness, grief, and denial on I WANNA SEE WHAT DEATH IS LIKE, her newest album and most candid work-to-date. Through haunting production, irresistible pop hooks, and violent contrasts, IWSWDIL broadens Don't do it, Neil's creative horizons while delving frankly into the circumstances surrounding Harper's real-life suicide attempt, and exorcises personal demons along the way.

Digital only proceeds support Harper's future projects.

Tape proceeds got to The Okra Project. "The Okra Project is a collective that seeks to address the global crisis faced by Black Trans people by bringing home cooked, healthy, and culturally specific meals and resources to Black Trans People wherever we can reach them."
www.theokraproject.com

Lathe proceeds go back to Gr's label and mutual aid fund.
grimalkinrecords.bandcamp.com/music

credits

released November 13, 2020

Produced, written, arranged, and performed by Mabel Harper as Don't do it, Neil. Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Mabel Harper in a bedroom in Philadelphia, PA.
Artwork and layout by Mabel Harper. Lathe cut photograph by Richard Dunn.

TRACK 5, "HIGH": Produced and arranged by Mabel Harper. Written and performed by Mabel Harper and Sean Patrick Olsen (as “Solely”).

TRACK 6, "if it breaks, it breaks": Produced and arranged by Mabel Harper. Written and performed by Mabel Harper and hvycharms. Lyrics by Mabel Harper.

TRACK 12, "RAW": Produced, arranged, and performed by Mabel Harper. Written by Mabel Harper and Quinn Milton. Lyrics by Mabel Harper.

Thank you Cass, Sadia, Quinn, Sean, hvycharms, Matt G, Matt D, Sutton, Emily, Alice, Shugars, Ashanti, Nancy, and Laceleaf.

Huge thanks to Audrey and Slug Mag for this lovely premiere and interview of Mabel on this album: www.slugmag.com/music/interviews/music-interviews/interview-premiere-dont-do-it-neil-i-wanna-see-what-death-is-like/

Huge thanks to Secret Wine Press for premiering the single and video for Orpheus and the pre-order: secretwinepress.com/dont-do-it-neil-orpheus/

Huge thanks to Also Cool Mag for this lovely review: alsocoolmag.com/musicblog/premiere-i-wanna-see-what-death-is-like-by-dont-do-it-neil

Huge thanks to Necessary Evil for this wonder interview with Mabel: necessaryevil.blog/2020/11/13/dont-do-it-neil-interview/

Huge thanks to Louis & MEFD for including this album in their weekly favorites: www.mesenceintesfontdefaut.com/2020/11/15/coups-de-coeur-15-novembre/

Huge thanks to Kelly Liu and the Phila Globe for this kind review: www.philaglobe.com/dont-do-it-neils-i-wanna-see-what-death-is-like-pushes-the-cyber-pop-vanguard/

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about

Don't do it, Neil Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Under the alias Don't do it, Neil, Mabel Harper blends the lilting warmth of bossa nova, the groove of R&B, and the ambience of dream pop with k-pop-inspired dynamics to present her own fierce-yet-vulnerable, uniquely canny take on sparkly pop music.

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