Pour Light on Everything

by Aqua Girl! and Don't do it, Neil

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1.
maybe you can find it in your heart to let it go I feel like the grass thats always underneath your shoes when youre walking backwards with a blindfold on and i could make excuses to try and justify my actions but the fact is you were right and i was always wrong and i can sense it the way you can tell that i meant it without even saying a single right word your eyes are blue like the ocean i am trapped in for as long as youve got a grip on my life i wanna get a grip on my life please help me get a grip on my life i wanna get up and dust myself off but youre blocking the path that i should be on do you want to fight me do i deserve it please like me
2.
"Despite all of the cracks in my head i think i need to go back" she said "I think i need to go back" she said "I think i need to go back" she said "even though they want me dead i think i want you to be my friend we can run from the darkness permanently I dont know if i really deserve these things" "keep on running and never look back as long as we're in love we're on the right track The earth is a home to so many creatures But i wont let a single one get between us" "I know the holy ground it holds us down but im not one to just sit around and let my physical form dictate what i try to do" Hold on tight to ones you love cause one day theyll be gone and we'll all live in the dust Okay now i dont want to see you that way I just want us all to be happy So I'll wake up and crawl out of the dust "I broke my back now help me to mend I think i need more than just a long long rest I need you to help me heal completely This is not the kind of thing you can count on leaving" "Lets form a symbiotic habitat figure out what we need to live like that Youre the most important thing in my entire life So lets open up and really start to survive" "life in this world can be so nice All we have to do is try and try Though the world seems dark and unforgiving i promise its worth it keep on living" "So lets hold onto each other for as long as we can I think that that's good enough of a plan because I'll miss you when youre gone and so will you"
3.
she is the dream girl i'm just the girl next door and i have to hide or i'll be found out for sure that i'm just a fake we're just fakes i don't wanna be this way we've been hiding from your parents for 3 long years and oh how long will it take for them to to finally hear that youve been more than just a positive force in my life yeah if you ever leave than i will fail to fly yeah i need you like the stars need the sky and the earth needs the sun like how i love everyone but quite a bit more yeah way more love for you yeah i love everyone but i love everything that you do I've been thinking alot lately about letting you know i'll do whatever it takes youll see how far i'll go just to prove to the world though i may be scared to say but i've definitely never ever felt this way you make a girl want to scream and dance so come on grab my hand give yourself into the trance no we no longer have to hide it come on this feels so inviting take a match we can light it the real world isnt that frightening
4.
i woke up way out of town all sewn up, lying on the ground and then you walked on over you said, "girl, get sober and get the fuck out of lombard" i'm too gay for everyone i know except you, the one i show everything weird about me there's something weird about you, fucking weird about you we'll get outta town the fuck outta town we'll get out of lombard the fuck outta lombard we'll get outta town the fuck outta town lombard's the same as arcadia bay trashed and laid to waste all my mistake are here on display trashed and laid to waste let's get the fuck out of town
5.
I can come back and try to help you realize I just need some more time to make it back alive I've got skeletons inside my closet I think I need your help with this I've got secrets that I keep hiding I think I need your help with this I need you here I need you now I need you by my side forever I just hope you will try to open up your mind I hope that you'll be kind to me while i survive I've got skeletons inside my closet I think I need your help with this I've got secrets that I keep hiding I think I need your help with this I need you here I need you now I need you by my side forever
6.
I've got eyes in the back of my head I don't want you to forget how it felt when we were alone together And I held you so close to my chest that you could feel the pulse of my flesh vessel I just want you to renounce me so I can move on and be without you If you don't want the wound to heal then no medicine will work no antibiotics
7.
i won't forget you and everything you did cuz now i don't know how to fit in thinking about it now still makes me livid cuz now i'm retreating inside i'm so fucked and i want to die i'm so fucking scared, and it's like you hardly care but even if i have some shitty days at least i'm a thousand miles away but i'm still trapped in these fucking memories can't forget everything that you did to me i wanna love without being a coward every good thing gets devoured by you, why are you still in my head sometimes i even wish you were dead you ruined me i can barely stay employed or love cuz i'm too fucking paranoid every night i'm losing so much sleep you put this fucking disease in me i just wanna spend all my time inebriated and i hate being fucking complicated now i fear ever being attached why can't you just stay in my past i'm over you
8.
sex, love and cigarettes lowering my defenses i'm staying up every night in my room thinking about you, what the fuck am i supposed to do? you got me up every night only in dreams sex, drugs, and cigarettes dulling every sense i'm fucked up every night never had much common sense, always thinking in the future tense don't wanna fuck this up, but i might only in dreams sex, love, and cigarettes
9.
you mean so much more than words can say i don't want to leave your place i just want to lay with you all day you don't even have to say that you love me just use me, hurt me, fuck me even if everything's okay i still fear that someday you might just go away i'll let you do what you want with me so you can use me, hurt me as long as i can pretend that you love me
10.
if i can't be who i said i am then i'll tie myself back with my same two hands and never grow, never progress past this cuz i'm stuck with this idea in my head of being myself and being loved by my friends and you've got a lot of leverage it's your personality i guess i just wanna show affection and live life without painful distractions i just want peace i just want everyone to be happy i just a want a piece of happiness you got me going now i'm never gonna leave you now you really got me going now i'm so fixated on your eyes i cannot look down cannot look down cannot look down it's like i'm losing all my brains they leaked out through my ears and i will never be the same you taught me how to love myself in a dark room you taught me how to bleed you taught me how to love myself in a dark room you taught me how to bleed breathe in breathe out i'm going back and forth so now i'll breathe in breathe in breathe out you just gotta trust me you just gotta trust me baby i don't wanna love me but i said i could love anybody i'm going back and forth so now i'll breathe in breathe in breathe out you taught me how to love myself in a dark room
11.
when we walked all night, i saw the moon in your eyes and when i saw, i believed, and then the next day i grieved i felt a great void within; forgive me for all of my sins cuz you're the reason i breathe, so please just come back to me the city dreams
12.
you're so sick and i'm never sick of you i'm just afraid that you'll think i'm a waste of time cuz i'm so sick but i'm trying to be better too even though everything gets twisted in my mind i'm not okay but you make me wanna be cuz i don't wanna tread water for the rest of my life if we're okay then i just wanna be there for you, i'm not perfect but i'm ride or die i fucking hate getting wasted just to stave off my self-hatred our world could blank on some vacuum decay shit cuz i've got time and i've got patience don't wanna rush, i just gotta say shit i don't need to be completely fine just put lovebites on my razorlines i don't wanna drag you down cuz i don't wanna see you drown i won't let you down baby, i won't crash your car i swear on poems and stars baby, i won't crash your car i swear on these words and stars baby, i won't crash your car i swear on poems and stars baby, i won't crash your car i swear on the moon and stars baby, i won't crash your car i swear on these songs and stars baby, i won't crash your car i swear i'll never ever break your heart oh baby

about

shouts out to rylin aka Aqua Girl!, for without whom this thing would literally not exist

aqua-girl.bandcamp.com

additional shouts out to corinne p, cassidy w, kevin z-w, matt g, amy y, oaktea, the bangtan boys (especially jungkook and suga), & good mental health

plz take care of yourself <3

credits

released October 31, 2018

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Don't do it, Neil Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Under the alias Don't do it, Neil, Mabel Harper blends the lilting warmth of bossa nova, the groove of R&B, and the ambience of dream pop with k-pop-inspired dynamics to present her own fierce-yet-vulnerable, uniquely canny take on sparkly pop music.

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